Endometriosis : 6 Months Later.

It's been about six months since I last wrote about endometriosis.

I haven't been purposely avoiding the subject of endo - not entirely, anyway. But as we begin another Endometriosis Awareness Month I find myself holding a yellow ribbon between my fingers, sitting in front of my computer, really marveling at what a different year this is than last and feeling like I need to write about it. Even if it's a little bit hard to.

To be completely honest, the main reason I haven't written about endo in a while is because it is a much, MUCH smaller part of my life than it used to be. I went from living a life revolving around my illness and it's restrictions to getting into my bed one night and realizing that I hadn't taken any medication that day. I hadn't needed to. I felt well. Now, there are many days that I don't think about endometriosis. This is something that actually makes me feel really guilty to admit because when I was in the deepest parts of my battle, I swore that I wouldn't ever let a second go by where I didn't think about that pain and suffering. But I can't put into words how much weight is lifted off my shoulders when I can go a day without a thought of what I went through. It's like getting a mental vacation after 12 years in an emotional, physical, and psychological war… but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Recovery from surgery was a very long process, as I was told it would be. They said I would make gradual progress for about four to six months and then I'd really notice a difference. It could take up to one year for my body to fully heal. Sitting here now, I can tell you I must be a textbook case because right around the six month mark I started seeing huge, positive changes in my body after months of worrying that I wasn't any better off post-surgery.

For those months, I wasn't talking about my endo because my situation felt like a very anticlimactic ending to what was supposed to be this great success story. Months after coming home, I was still having daily aches, exhaustion, and pain. Even when I knew most of the surgical stuff was still healing, this felt like a horrible betrayal from my body. 

I had publicly shared my experiences with being constantly ill, in and out of the hospital, getting accepted by an amazing organization to have surgery performed by one of the nation's best doctors, traveling across the country, waking up from surgery without pain….. but then going right back to the way things were before? I felt embarrassed. I didn't want to share that I was still struggling and have anyone thinking, "Ugh, here we go again. Thought we were finally done hearing about all that!" or even worse, having girls who were encouraged or inspired by my story hearing that I was still hurting and feeling like they would be defeated by endo too. I shared a little bit about this on my @end_oh instagram account and the women there were incredibly supportive and kind. Many of them offered encouragement saying the same thing happened to them and to stay strong. At a time when I had been avoiding the endo community it reminded me of how crucial that connection with other girls is during challenging times. Just love my endosisters!

Pain-free days started peeking through around November. In between the tough ones I'd get these awesome days where nothing hurt and I'd think "Okay, this is it!" But somehow they never lasted very long. Towards the end of November right around our wedding, God blessed me with some pain free weeks. Our wedding, honeymoon, and reception were perfect and I was so relieved not to have endometriosis tainting those moments for me.

In December, I stopped taking daily medication. No more painkillers, no more ibuprofen, no more hormones - nothing but vitamins. The good days continued to become more and more frequent and the bad days slowly faded out of the picture. 

In January I had my first really bad flare up since the surgery. But after just three days in bed taking painkillers, I was able to go back to work and within a week it was over and the pain vanished completely. I couldn't believe it. I had always had flare ups that lasted at least a week and then continued to ache for weeks afterward. I had been so frustrated to be in such pain when it started but by the end I was excited and encouraged to see how quickly it had passed.

Life went on as usual until this past Sunday night when another flare up seemingly started. Weston and I prepared for it to get really bad… but after only a few wake-ups throughout the night, it was still relatively under control when I woke up. So I went to work. I came home a little early feeling sore and crampy, took an epsom salt bath and rested. Today, I woke up crampy and achy… but I made it through another short work day! In the years before my surgery, my pain would hit a 10 on the pain scale where as this flare seems to be peaking at a 6 or a 7. It may not sound like much, but this progress is enough to bring tears to my eyes. I'm in pain but I'm walking around, driving, continuing with my responsibilities and then resting as much as I can. I'm functional.

Weston and I keep high-fiving and saying how each time has got to just get better and better. He is so excited for me and I'M so excited that he's not having to be up throughout the night with me, fetching medicine and all that. It hurts, but it's under control. That's the best way I can describe it.

Now that I'm on the other side of things and not consumed by ongoing pain, a big part of me wants to forget all about endometriosis. 

I want to completely block out every horrible memory. The times I hid and cried in public because the pain got so severe. The times I had to be sent home from work because I couldn't even stand up straight. The times I swore at the top of my lungs while my mom or Weston raced me to the ER. The nurses who patronized me. The doctors who misdiagnosed me. The years I spent seeing multiple specialists, trying every treatment possible, reading every book. The pill bottles that covered my dresser. My mom giving me injections at home. Avoiding gluten, soy, corn, dairy, potatoes, - seemingly every delicious thing. The times I wished I could just die so I wouldn't hurt anymore.

Those are awful memories. Those are times I really want to block out and erase. 

But if I erase them, I will never be as grateful for my life as it is now.

Driving my car. Getting through a day of work. A sun salutation in the yoga studio. Going out to dinner with friends. Riding my bike and not having to think about hurting the next day. Painting a room of our house. Making cookies. Dancing with my students…

Those would just be normal things if it weren't for the horrible experiences that came before them.

Instead, they're exceptional. And I wouldn't trade that perspective for anything.

So I'll keep the bad memories. They'll continue to push me to appreciate my life and my body and any bit of progress. They will also continue to light a fire under me to help other girls who are currently living in that awful situation and do whatever I can do help them out of it so that they'll be lucky enough to call those times "memories" like me.

If that's you, please tell me how I can help you : kelleoconnell@gmail.com

I'm so excited to keep healing and sharing what I know with others while I do.

Happy Endometriosis Awareness Month, my beautiful friends.

Let's keep talking about it.

>> previous posts about endometriosis <<

My Journey to The CEC.

For the last few days, I've wanted to scream it from the mountaintops : I'm HOOOOMMEEEEE!

Our trip to Atlanta ended up being a more eventful and lengthy visit than we had expected. So after all of the plot twists and emotional rollercoastering that went on in the south, being home has never felt better.

Over all, our time at The Center For Endometriosis was a success. I was very impressed with The CEC's compassionate and understanding staff. It felt really incredible to walk into a doctor's office where everybody understood what I was going through. They know endo like the back of their hands and a couple of the nurses mentioned that Dr. S even performed their excision procedures at some point.

My surgery ended up being much more involved than anticipated. I ended up having an excision of endometriosis adhesions, a hysteroscopy, an appendectomy, a presacral neurectomy, and my bowels were moved! So recovery has been a more challenging and lengthy process than it was after my last lap. We ended up having to stay in Atlanta for several extra days before flying home but now we are finally back and I'm finishing recovery here in California.

The past few weeks have been one of the hardest experiences of my life but also the most rewarding. Ever since the surgery, I haven't felt any endo pain. I've had post-surgical pains, so I'm still not quite where I want to be.. but I have hope that soon I will heal and stop hurting. And then I can start living a new and improved life without endo limitations. And that is pretty damn incredible.

Those are the big updates but if you're interested in more of the details from our trip, you can continue reading below the pictures. As always, thank you so much for reading, learning about endo, following along and truly making our story a part of your own. We always feel the love and support! xo

Beach Send-Off and Lists.

Yesterday I said farewell for now to California with friends and family at Laguna Beach. My uncle got to the beach at 6:00 am to secure us a fire pit for later at night and ended up snagging the last available pit! First thing in the morning, they were already taken for the day! So crazy!

Throughout the day, people cycled in and out, relaxing with us and soaking up the sunshine. It was really nice to have a distraction since most of my free time this week has been spent totally caught up in worry and nervousness, despite how genuinely excited and thankful I am for this opportunity - especially with some close calls this week where it looked like I may not make it to Atlanta after all.

I feel so lucky to have the people in my life that I do... and without getting too sappy or sentimental at an already really emotional time, I'll just leave it at that. But before I go, here are a few pictures from our day at the beach and a couple lists I've written up today while packing.

Things I am Taking to Atlanta With Me

1. This awesome candle to help our hotel feel a little more like home.

2. My mom and Weston because I kind of love them and I'm pretty sure I couldn't do this without them.

3. All of the sweet cards I've been given, to be hung as beautiful art in my hotel/hospital room.

4. My soft prayer blanket and even a teddy bear because seriously, a week of recovery without Toby cuddles seems impossible!

5. My "Happy Heart" because my students insist that I practice what I preach, even when I feel nervous or doubtful.

6. The comfiest pajamas I own and a lot of stretchy pants.


Things I Want to Do in Atlanta

1. Eat every peach cobbler I can find prior to surgery because soon, my endo-diet will come back into play.

2. Say goodbye to Endometriosbitch forever.

3. Find out that my body isn't completely destroyed and can still possibly house a human at some point.

4. Convince my mom to watch LOST with me for several hours each day. She would love it if she'd try it, right?!

5. Hug DeeDee, the CEC's head nurse, because after talking to her on the phone she is already one of my favorite people on earth and I can't wait to meet her and soak up all that sweet, southern hospitality.

6. ___________________?  (suggestions of things I should see/do please!)


Things I Want to Do When I'm Pain-Free!

1. Reunite with my yoga studio! I feel teary-eyed just imagining my first sun salutation, post surgery. It's been almost a year since I've felt well enough for a class!

2. Cook fun, delicious, healthy meals and find ways to convince Weston to like the same vegetables as me, because currently I like all the good ones and he likes all the yucky ones... ;)

3. Go to one of those trampoline places where all the floors and walls are bouncy and learn to do a backflip.

4. Work an entire month without calling-in sick.

5. Get married to the love of my life and dance at my wedding reception without having to sit down after every song. The band has a two hour set and I'm in it for the long haul, people!

6. Paint the walls of our future home before we move into it. Not hire somebody... I want so badly to be part of the renovation process!


Things You Can Pray For While I'm Gone

1. Traveling mercies. I am not the best at flying but usually I can soothe myself with thoughts of the awesome destination I'm headed to…. This time is kind of an exception because the destination involves me getting cut open. So I'm afraid I may go all colonial-woman-on-the-wing-churning-butter if I don't get some pre-flight prayers in.

2. For there to be some awesome thunderstorms to witness from my window whilst recovering! I'm a sucker for a good summer storm and California's are nothin' compared to what I've heard goes down in the south. I'd love to get a little taste of that.

3. For Dr. S and his staff to be as wonderful as I've heard they are. For them to find everything in my body that they need to repair, for no symptom to go untreated and for me to wake up from surgery with a better understanding of my body's condition and a much better chance at a pain-free future.

4. Please pray for my mom and Weston, my extraordinary caretakers to-be.

5. I really would love to have a pain free body. One without endo or any other surprises for a few years at least. I can't wait to start living without this condition continuously halting my life anymore. I'm counting on it. I'm hoping for it. Please join me in praying for it!

6. Lastly, for my brother and dad who will be staying home, although I know they wish they could be with us through this journey. I pray for us to be able to give them as much information as possible and keep them up to date so they will be as comforted as they can from across the country.

-          -          -          -          -

I will update here when I can, but to follow along with things a little more quickly you can find me on instagram : @kelleoh.

Leaving for the airport early in the morning!
I love you guys. Can't wait to share some (hopefully) good news soon.

Cake.

I've been in a lot of pain these past few weeks.

And although I've got my eyes on the calendar, waiting for surgery, some days that doesn't make it any easier.

When I wake up feeling well (which doesn't happen often) my instinct is to take advantage and live a little. So often my choices for the day are couch or bed. When the pain eases, there are so many more possibilities. Things that I really miss doing. Simple things : Dancing to my favorite song. Walking at a normal pace. Shopping at a store rather than online. Going out to dinner with friends.

The problem with my "seize the day" attitude is that no good day goes unpunished. No enjoyment of life ends without me curled up somewhere, hurting, trying to decide if it was worth those few minutes or hours of enjoyment to spend the next few days once again deciding between the couch and my bed.

My body punished me for wedding dress shopping. It was a lot of walking and standing, so for the next three days, I could hardly move. I missed work, I missed out on plans I'd had for weeks… I just hurt. And all I could do to not cry was look at the pictures I'd taken during that wonderful afternoon and try to relive it again each day until I felt well enough to participate in life again.

On one of those endo days, I watched the movie Cake. It's about a woman living with chronic pain and how she tries to survive that emotional and physical battle. In one scene, she and a woman from her chronic pain support group discuss a question that had been presented to them at one of their meetings : What would your dream be if you didn't have chronic pain? And one of the answers that was "sickeningly sincere" was a mother who said she dreamed of making her son a birthday cake from scratch.

It's one of those simple things that most people wouldn't think twice about, but for someone with chronic pain, it's a mountain to climb. It's reaching up high and crouching down low to get bowls and utensils and ingredients. It's standing for an extended amount of time. Lifting bags of flour. It's bending over to set the pans into the oven. More standing to frost the cake. It's more physically demanding than it probably seems.

On the 4th of July, I woke up feeling minimal pain and decided I wanted to make a dessert as my contribution to Weston's family barbecue. So I used a simple, gluten-free, cake recipe and spent the morning baking. It was so much fun getting to whip everything together and watch my vision become a delicious reality!

For me, pain is one of those things that can creep up slowly throughout the day, or just appear out of nowhere. But for the rest of the day, I felt well! Weston and I made it to both of the parties we wanted to go to, I sat by the pool, we ate delicious food and everyone enjoyed my cake. :) When it came time for fireworks, we had to walk quite a bit to get to our viewing spot, but I kept assuring my concerned family that I really felt fine to keep walking! After the fireworks, we came home and turned on The Sandlot, to watch while we slowly grew tired enough to sleep.

And that's when it appeared out of nowhere. Worse than any pain I'd had these past few weeks.

It made me sick. I sat in the bathtub at 1:00 am, crying. I crawled into bed with painkillers on my nightstand once again, and a heating pad clutched against my stomach. And I paid the price for my baking and my fun and my walking and my holiday for the rest of the night.

And friends - I'm so tired. I feel like I've been fighting an uphill battle for years. And don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for the good days and the things that I'm able to do for those hours that I feel well, but I can't imagine always having to pay the price every time I try to live my life.

So I keep praying. I keep praying that this surgery will be the thing I've been waiting for. The answer to all of my cries to God for help and comfort and healing. The final chapter in this painful season of my life that has lasted far too long.

I'm just really ready to fully live again.
One month to go.

Please, Lord, let this fix me.

End(o) in Sight.

This is a story that I've been meaning to share here for almost two months.
Since I'm stuck in bed today, I'm finally getting around to it!

I got accepted to have surgery at The Center For Endometriosis Care in Atlanta, Georgia!

Back on a particularly painful Sunday morning in April, I was in a deep, Percocet induced sleep after being awake for most of the night. Meanwhile, my mom was sitting in church when her phone lit up with a number from Atlanta so she quickly scooted out of her row and ran outside to answer the call. She spoke briefly with a doctor who was trying to get a hold of me and she explained to him that I had a really rough night and was probably sleeping through the phone ringing. He said he would try to call our house again later on so my mom rushed home to tell me the news (and wake me up).

This is a call that we had been anxiously awaiting for weeks! So for the rest of the day I was forbidden from being more than 2 feet away from the phone. My mom had the ringer up full volume and everyone at the house was in full alert. It was kind of hilarious, actually. Literally nothing got done that day.

Around 7:30 in the evening I started thinking he wasn't going to call. I was calculating the time difference, realizing it was almost 10 pm there, when our home phone started ringing. We all froze and looked at each other for a second before Weston ran over and answered it.

"Hello?" He started smiling so big. "Yes.. Yeah she's right here hang on!" He said, nodding at me with the biggest grin on his face.

I took the phone from him and my hands were shaking a little bit. "Hello?" I said.
"Hi, Kelle. This is Doctor Albee from The CEC. I hear you're having a pretty rough day."
I laughed a little, "Yeah, actually I am."
"By the looks of things, it seems like you've had a lot of pretty rough days these past few years."
My eyes brimmed with tears, hearing a doctor acknowledge something so simple. "Yes, I have. It's been pretty hard."
"I'm hoping we can do something about that for you, Kelle…"

I looked across the room at my parents and Weston who were all sitting on the couch, leaning in expectantly with tears in their eyes.

"I can't make you any promises," Doctor Albee continued, "But I feel very encouraged that if you come out to Atlanta, we will be able to help. It seems like your surgeon from last time may have missed a significant amount of endometriosis which is probably why you've never felt any relief. You've certainly been through a lot, but we are hopeful that we will be able to make you feel much better."

While he spoke, I couldn't stop crying. I nodded to my family and they all started hugging each other and came over to me and held my hand.

It was one of the happiest moments of my life.

I hung up the phone and we couldn't stop crying and embracing each other. Then we got to call all the wonderful people who have been praying with us to share the good news. From inside our house, I heard our next-door neighbor in the backyard screaming "woohoo!!" over our back fence. She was jumping up and down, so excited for us. (Remember the time I needed pain medication at 5am, my family was out of town and I couldn't get out of bed so I had to call a neighbor for help? Yep, that's her! She's seen this all firsthand, let me tell you!)

THEN, a few weeks later, it got even better!

Endo March and Updates.

This year's Endometriosis Awareness Month was one for the books. The last few months, actually, have been very hopeful and uplifting. It seems like every day, more information is being shared and people are slowly understanding what endo is and how it affects the lives of so many women and their families.

Padma Lakshmi had a small segment on ABC's The View, where she addressed the "Why Should We Care About Endo" question with grace, poise... and as much detail as they'd allow her to go into without interrupting her - haha. Huge exposure on a show that reaches so many women. Such wonderful progress!

I heard about two different news segments about women with endometriosis, sharing their experiences too! And you may have seen the commercial about endometriosis that has been being shown on networks like E! and Lifetime. It's for a specific research study, but the facts are there, the word is there.. if I had seen that commercial when I was 13 years old, I would have had a name for my pain 9 years earlier than I did! Gives me so much hope for the young girls who are currently hurting with no answers. Speaking of that, I was asked to share a bit about my journey to a diagnosis over at Covalent Magazine last month! You can find that article here.

The second Worldwide March for Endometriosis also took place in March, with people all across the globe marching to show their support and get the word out about this debilitating disease.

Several months ago, my family and I registered to walk in Palo Alto. Ironically (but not surprisingly) I wasn't able to make it to the march due to a bad endo flare-up. But that afternoon, my mom and I put on our walkin' outfits and carried our signs for a very short walk near our house, just the two of us and Toby. And I found comfort remembering that all the people marching at the big events were doing that for me. They were marching for all of us who weren't able to march. Walking for those who are in too much pain to walk. The rest of the day, I was happy to browse Instagram and see people all over the world participating. Hopefully next year I can make it to one of the big marches (How about Jamaica?!  This one looks so fun!) but for this year, I'm content with our own tiny little parade.

As far as my personal endo battle goes…

If you haven't already seen this news via Facebook or Instagram, I'm applying to have surgery at The Center for Endometriosis Care in Atlanta, Georgia! I'm so excited, nervous, and anxious to hear back from them to find out whether or not they think I am a good fit for surgery with their specialists. This is the most hopeful I've felt about a treatment in a long time and I've heard nothing but good things from their previous patients so keep your fingers crossed for me please! If they decide to take me on as a patient, I hope to schedule my surgery for this summer, so I can watch my class graduate into big kindergarteners before I head to Georgia for a bit.

Having this potential surgery to feel hopeful about has been quite beneficial - especially these last three weeks, which have been pretty challenging. These days, my pain is constant and harsh. After missing a week of work and still not feeling much better, I decided to go back despite my desire to curl up into a ball and cry - ha! To get through my days, I wear a Thermacare Heat Wrap under my clothing and stay seated as much as possible (not easy when you teach 5 year olds) but once I get home I can barely muster the energy to wash my hair or brush my teeth before taking some medicine and passing out with my heating pad.

I'm constantly struggling between wanting/needing to take care of myself, but also wanting to push through the pain and not let it affect my life so much. That balance is something I'm still trying to figure out. If you've got it mastered, holla at your girl with some tips. ;)

To follow along with more endometriosis related stuff, you can find me on Instagram. @end_oh
Hope you're all doing great and feeling fabulous.
xo

For The Endo Girls : Battling Shame

Often times, I think I'm shameless when it comes to endo.

I'm very upfront about having it. I don't embarrass easily when discussing it. I'm honest when people ask questions about it. And while I may spare them a few of the more gory details, I'm not ashamed of having it. And I'm not embarrassed to talk about it. Not at all.

But then pain happens. In front of people. Unexpectedly. And suddenly all the shame I thought I was incapable of feeling comes rushing over me and I would give anything in that moment to just disappear.

An (Endo) Update.

If you follow me on Instagram, you may know that recently I had to visit the hospital due to some new kinds of endo pain.

Here are some updates and a few prayer requests...

For the Endo Girls : Travel Tips.

In my life, I dream of traveling often and traveling far.
Having an chronic illness has made this a really challenging thing to accomplish, although I'm coming to find that challenging doesn't have to mean entirely impossible.

I am not a well traveled person (yet!) but this summer, health permitting, I'm embarking on a few exciting trips! Leaving California for the first time in years and even traveling by airplane! I can count on my fingers the number of flights I've taken in my life, so this is an exciting one.

After many failed attempts and miserable "successes" in the last few years, I didn't know if I'd ever be confident enough to travel very far away with my condition, but thanks to several smaller getaways and a better general control of my pain at the moment, I think I've gained enough "know-how" to handle the tricky endo-situations that may present themselves while I'm away from home.

Considering past experiences, both good and bad, here are a few tips I'm sticking to while traveling this summer.
Hope they might help you feel more comfortable during your vacations too!

#yellowforendo

It was one year ago that I read an article about this woman's experience with endometriosis. It inspired me so much that after 9 years, I felt brave enough (even sort of obligated) to start talking about my condition with my friends, family, and even some strangers on the internet. I was more nervous than you'd believe, and the draft to that first post sat in my queue for days until my family and Weston had pushed me enough that I clicked publish.

What has happened since then has been an enormous outpouring of love, support, and a longing to understand better. I've connected with endosisters around the world, sharing a bond that is unique, strong, and paired with a remarkable kind of instant respect for one another.

After that first post, I continued to share parts of my story along with information about endometriosis that I hope will be common knowledge one day. And so far, it seems for the most part, that people understand why I share what I do. They know it's not for attention or pity. It's because there isn't enough information out there. Because not a lot of people know about it until they've already been suffering from it for years of their life. Because even once you know, it's not a glamorous thing to talk about. But I want to educate people. Give them information from an insider's perspective. Give them the knowledge to suggest to a friend or family member, "Hey, actually, those symptoms you're describing sound a little bit like endometriosis. Have you ever heard of that?"

I want to be a voice in this growing conversation. 

And there's an easy chance for you to join in too!

On Monday, March 10th, please consider adding a pop of yellow to your outfit. Then take a picture of yourself in your yellow and share it on social media (or even just with your friends and family) along with this information :

- March is Endometriosis Awareness Month

- 10% of women worldwide suffer from Endometriosis

- It takes an average of 10 years for these women to receive an accurate diagnosis

- It causes chronic pain and is a leading cause of infertility

There have been a lot of times people have asked "What can I do to help?" and there's never usually anything they can do. This is something you can do. Start a conversation. Get the information out there. 

Also, please e-mail me a picture of you in your yellow so I can see your beautiful face!

Have a happy, happy weekend.

Let's all go #yellowforendo!

Ps. I had chosen March 10th as the day for yellow because it's 10% of women and a 10 year average.. 

As I just went back to link my first post about Endo, I saw that it was written on March 10th last year! Goosebumps! Meant to be. :)

New Year, Same Battle.

The new year is already throwing out it's share of challenges.
Starting to think I was right about 2013 just being a warm-up! ;)

Here's a little update for those of you who are following my ongoing journey with endometriosis :

For The Endo Girls : Is the Endo Diet Worth It?

Prior to meeting with a naturopathic doctor, and even prior to my official diagnosis, I did a lot of research on the Endo Diet.

I looked through a variety of sources and found that for the most part, supporters of the diet suggest eliminating the following :

gluten. red meat. dairy. sugar. coffee. caffeine. soy. 

chocolate. eggs. fried foods. alcohol. saturated fats and oils.
and others recommended getting rid of all processed foods.

Obviously, what I share here is just my opinion and personal experience. I'm not an expert by any stretch of the imagination. But in spite of the success some women experience with it, this version of the diet didn't work for me and may not be working for other women for a similar reason.

Here's what I mean...

For The (Non) Endo Girls : What Does Endometriosis Pain Feel Like?

I've tried for a long time to find a way to explain how endometriosis physically feels, to someone who doesn't have it.

It's not a question that I receive often, but since we harp so much on the fact that it's different than cramps, I feel that us endo-girls kind of owe the rest of you an explanation as to what it does feel like, you know?

Many women with endometriosis associate their pain with the term "flare up." I think most times, this is referring to the severe pain. Not the daily pain that many women deal with, but the times when it gets really bad. The Emergency Room times. The Percocet times. The how-the-hell-am-I-supposed-to-get-out-of-this-bed times.

I posed the question to an endometriosis Facebook group and received some helpful and honest answers. Keeping in mind that every woman is different, some may find several or all of these to be true in their case, some may not relate to any of them. But these were the most common answers.

What does an Endometriosis flare-up feel like?

For The Endo Girls : Our Celebrity Endo-Sisters.

1 out of every 10 women has endometriosis.

Before I knew I had it, I never would have guessed it was so common.

Mainly because prior to my diagnosis, I'd never even heard of it! So much information about women's health gets thrown at us from every direction - often by celebrities, using their fame to raise awareness for the different afflictions that they face, but this was one I had yet to see.

Statistically, it makes sense that a lot of celebrities would have endometriosis, but it's not really something that pops up in tabloids or on their twitter feeds the way some other health issues do.

edit 7/22/14 : Lena Dunham joined the conversation about birth control on Twitter 

by sharing her endometriosis diagnosis. Yay, Lena!

So last week, out of curiosity, I did a little bit of research to find out which famous women have admitted to having this oh-so-glamorous condition, and here are a few of them...

For The Endo Girls : What NOT To Say To A Woman With Endometriosis.

In dealing with all the emotional and physical pain that comes with endometriosis, there are a lot of situations where kind-hearted people want to offer support, but don't know what they should say. And often, in an effort to be loving and comforting, they end up being accidentally insulting.

So I am sharing a few less-than-helpful comments that I've heard from nurses, doctors, friends, family, and coworkers multiple times.

Not to embarrass anyone who has said these things to me, but to hopefully explain why these things aren't appropriate to say to women with endometriosis and provide some positive alternatives for moments when well-intentioned people are looking to provide comfort.

If you know a woman who is suffering with endometriosis, please don't say....

For The Endo Girls : Tips For Reducing Endometriosis Pain

Endometriosis affects every girl differently.

All of our pain is at different levels and what works for one woman won't always work for another.

But in the spirit of helping each other out a little bit, I think it's really important to bounce pain-relieving methods off of each other and give suggestions that someone else may not have tried yet! 

These days, most of my endo pain can't really be controlled by anything other than heavy pain medication, but for the times that there's just that discomfort, dull aching, or a small amount of pain, I have found a few things that help me get through the day without having to drug myself up. 

Here are a few of my go-to remedies : 

Warm Lemon-Honey Water

          - Drinking a cup of warm water with lemon and honey is supposed to reduce side effects of endo such as nausea, indigestion, inflammation, and can also be helpful in fighting infections. Lemon water also helps to cleanse the liver, which regulates estrogen in the body - always beneficial. The warmth of the drink may soothe mild cramping for some girls. I like to mix 1 cup of water, juice from 1/2 lemon, (or a tablespoon of lemon juice) and a teaspoon of honey. I actually drink this every morning, but when I'm hurting, I'll make myself another cup later in the day. Drink while watching Friends re-runs for best results.

A Hot Shower

          - We all know that heat helps but while I love my heating pad, it can only concentrate on one general area at a time. When my back, legs, and stomach are all tense and cramping, I hop into the shower. It's a bit of a pricey solution, I guess, when it comes to paying the water bill, but I will sit in my shower for anywhere from a half-hour until the hot water is completely gone. I use this most as a filler when I'm waiting for my meds to kick in. If I just took a pill and I know I've got a half-hour or so before it starts working, I'll sit in the shower and just wait it out. I usually grab a beach towel, keep it rolled up, run it under the hot water and then use the warm wet towel as a padded back rest against the shower wall. The shower is also a prime place to use aromatherapy and try to meditate, pray, or breathe through the pain. (Edit on 5/12/14: My current go-to is to soak in an epsom salt bath! In the last few months I've found it relieves my muscle aches immensely! And this past Christmas, my parents thoughtfully bought me a bath pillow! No more rolled up beach towels for me - movin' on up in the world! ;))

Lavender Essential Oils

          - Speaking of aromatherapy... It doesn't do much to help soothe my pain necessarily (though using lavender essential oils are supposed to help with cramping and muscle spasms, it may just not work for me) but I've found it helpful for staying calm through bad flare ups. Many times, the pain gets so bad that I end up just feeling completely overwhelmed and I start to panic. The lavender is calming and also makes me feel a little more human on the days I'm not well enough to get up and make myself presentable. "I don't look good... but at least I smell good." (My boyfriend's a lucky guy, obvi.)

Peonies & Bronchitis.

Two years ago when I started posting on this blog, I never would've imagined that the majority of content would end up being updates about my health, because really, how boring. Haha. But to me, it's always been a journal of sorts - a way to document my life. And currently, my life is mostly focused on trying to feel better. So for now, here are some more updates :

In the post after my surgery, I mentioned how the doctor warned us that removing my endometrial adhesions may not relieve my pain. Well, long story short, she was right about that. It's been a really long few weeks - back to the grind and the pain and even back to the hospital. They ran several tests in the ER : two ultrasounds, an x-ray, and the usual bloodwork and the only thing that came back abnormal were my iron levels. Which is good, in a way, but it leaves us once again asking what the hell is going on. And I'd thought we were done with all our wondering after the surgery! So it's a bit frustrating. The pain last week was worse than it's ever been, but I'm glad to finally be starting to feel more like myself again this week as far as that's concerned, and gradually lessening my intake of those pills that I hate so much.

Yesterday, I finally went back to work (again). It's amazing how much those cute little pre-schoolers can do for a girl's morale. Our class even got a special visit from Toby, who sang his ABC's with us and gave out lots of kisses to the kids. They were thrilled. :) Throughout the day though, I noticed I was having a lot of trouble catching my breath. And taking a deep breath was nearly impossible and pretty painful.

By the evening, I was having enough trouble breathing that we decided to go to urgent care.

As it turns out, I've got bronchitis. After a breathing treatment, I got a shot of steroids, four more prescriptions, and something for the nausea caused by the shot.

Bleh. My dresser is basically a mini pharmacy now and it is kiiiiind of starting to bum me out.
Between the typewriter and the pill bottles you'd think I was 88 years old. Haha

Of course, Bronchitis is not the hardest thing to go through, and I know that I'll feel better soon,
it's just been an incredibly long month.

I'm just really ready to get back to normal and back to my life.
Back to yoga, full days at the pre-school, leaving the house on weekends and sleeping through the night.

{The flower on the right was made of tissue paper by the mother of one of my students. Amazing!}

The other day a sweet friend came by with the most gorgeous bouquets of peonies, the kindest words, and a recommendation for a naturopathic doctor to consult about my endometriosis pain, so today, I made an appointment.

I'm pretty sure I can't afford naturopathic medicine, (if any of you have done it, seriously how'd you manage?) but I'm running out of steam. I have continued to do everything I'm supposed to, everything I can, and I don't seem to be making progress. Another option couldn't hurt at this point!

I look so forward to a day that will bring total relief but in the meantime,
I'll just keep praying my hardest and holding tightly to the ones who provide the greatest support.

Hope to share something exciting and non-health related with you soon. :)
As always, thanks for your prayers and love.
xoxo

Good News & Thank Yous!

Before I say anything else : thank you, thank you, thank you for your prayers and well-wishes!

The surgery went as well as I ever could have hoped for! I have finally 'officially' been diagnosed with endometriosis (might sound kind of weird to be excited about that, but it's great to finally have a definite answer) and the adhesions that they found were all removed. Great news! My doctor also said that due to the location of the adhesions, none of my other organs appear to be negatively affected yet. Amazing news! We are thrilled with both of these outcomes and I'm convinced it was the prayers, good vibes, and positivity from all the amazing people around me. Including those of you who follow along here! Thank you!

So, now what happens?

Thrilled as I was to have finally been properly diagnosed, the problem with endometriosis is that there isn't a cure. 

Removing the adhesions is a temporary solution, but my body will continue to create that tissue and endometriosis will continue to grow outside of my uterus. We also don't know if the adhesions were the cause of my pain, so we'll just have to wait for a few months and see if my pain is improving. Some women end up getting laparoscopies every few years to have their endometriosis continually removed.

According to my doctor, some women come in to the hospital with extreme pain and only one tiny speck of endometriosis. Other times, women come in to have a totally unrelated procedure, and once they're opened up, doctor's find a mess of endometriosis everywhere, but the woman had never felt any symptoms. That's part of this that I don't really understand. But I'm feeling optimistic about everything and hoping to be able to slow the growth of the endo by continuing to eat gluten-free, amping up my health in general, and starting the hormones that they'll be giving me in a few more weeks once I heal.

In a nutshell, the surgery was a success. Everything we could have wanted from the surgery, we got.
Now, it's just waiting and trying things out again. But at least now I have a clean slate and we know exactly what's wrong. No more guessing! It's an immense relief.

Currently, just focusing on recovering.

I've had my wonderful mom taking care of me, that sweet boyfriend of mine doting on me, and my cute little pup, Toby, has been pretty protective too. Every day, I get less crampy and sore. Today is the first day that it hasn't hurt to laugh, which greatly widens my TV program selection. (I didn't realize how many comedies I watch until it hurt to laugh)

The night before my surgery, I was surprised with this gorgeous quilt. Apparently, a local church heard about my situation and they have a ministry that makes these prayer-quilts, so they created one for me! My mom then brought the quilt to the pre-school that I work at, so my coworkers and some of my students could tie knots on it. When a knot is tied, a prayer is said. So every knot is a reminder that I'm "covered in prayer." Such a beautiful idea! I brought it to the hospital and it provided an amazing sense of comfort. It's so thoughtful and super special to me. I love it!

In other news, my dad actually ended up needing surgery this week too. (Prayers for my dear mother : Our nurse and caretaker, extraordinaire) He had two ruptured disks in his back. So he and I have big plans to hobble around and practice walking together haha. Oh boy.. Life sure is exciting over here at the O'Connell home.

I could say (and will continue to say) thank you a thousand times for the incredible encouragement that you've all given me. After the surgery, my mom was reading me all the kind words from people on Facebook and here on the blog. It was the first thing I heard when I woke up and it just started me off on the complete right foot for recovery. I'm feeling optimistic for the future, proud of my scars and what I've gotten through so far, and thankful beyond belief for this beautiful life I've got. 

It feels so good to start fresh.

Nerves.

My surgery is tomorrow.

I had been feeling pretty certain about it until my pre-op, during which my doctor was kind of brutally honest about what to expect afterwards. Namely, lots of pain and little chance of long-term (or short-term) relief. While her words made me ache in a way that only complete honesty can, somewhat robbing me of my optimism, I also really appreciate the fact that now I'm going in with no expectations.

So many times, I've been told "This will work. Just do it." 
And I've done it, only to find that I was the exception. It didn't work for me and it wasn't going to.
This time, I don't think I'm going to wake up and feel better. I don't think that the pain will be gone. I just expect to have more answers. More of an idea of what my future looks like in terms of pain, health, and motherhood. And I'm looking forward to answers, even if they aren't good ones.

I'm so thankful that every time I've felt discouraged, someone has reached out to me with the exact thing I needed to hear. My boss and my coworkers have been more encouraging, understanding, and supportive than I ever could have expected them to be. My pre-schoolers have been saying prayers and giving me gentle hugs. My family has been so accommodating and full of love. I'm so thankful, really.

But if I could covet your prayers just one more time...
I'd love good news tomorrow. I'd love relief from my pain in the future. I'd love a calm heart before the surgery.

Thank you so much for being my outlet for thoughts like these.

It's nice to write and be heard.
Love and blessings to you.
xo

endometriosis awareness.

The other night, while browsing through Thought Catalogue, I came across an all-too-familiar word in one of the headlines. Endometriosis. Clicking through to the article, my eyes started to well up with tears as I read line after line of painful truth. It was so relatable for me. Almost too relatable, in fact.

I found myself feeling embarrassed - like someone had published my most private experiences for everyone to read about. By the end of the post, I was split between comfort and heartbreak. Comfort in knowing that I'm not crazy and this struggle is really as hard as I feel like it is. And heartbreak in reading the pain someone else has gone through with no happy ending or resolution.

March is Endometriosis Awareness Month. And after struggling with my pain for 9 years, some doctor finally threw out the E word during a conversation and brought that possibility to the table. 9 years later we are looking at my symptoms, seeing how they line up perfectly to an endometriosis diagnosis, and scheduling a laparoscopy. This leads me to believe that there isn't nearly enough conversation about this disease. And after reading that article, I was inspired to step way out of my comfort zone and share a little bit of my experience. It isn't pretty or fun or positive. And I won't blame you if you don't want to read it. But if you do, I hope you read it with an open mind. And I hope that it enlightens you in some way and that maybe you will gain some understanding about this painful condition that millions of women suffer from, but nobody talks about.