My surgery is tomorrow.
I had been feeling pretty certain about it until my pre-op, during which my doctor was kind of brutally honest about what to expect afterwards. Namely, lots of pain and little chance of long-term (or short-term) relief. While her words made me ache in a way that only complete honesty can, somewhat robbing me of my optimism, I also really appreciate the fact that now I'm going in with no expectations.
So many times, I've been told "This will work. Just do it."
And I've done it, only to find that I was the exception. It didn't work for me and it wasn't going to.
This time, I don't think I'm going to wake up and feel better. I don't think that the pain will be gone. I just expect to have more answers. More of an idea of what my future looks like in terms of pain, health, and motherhood. And I'm looking forward to answers, even if they aren't good ones.
I'm so thankful that every time I've felt discouraged, someone has reached out to me with the exact thing I needed to hear. My boss and my coworkers have been more encouraging, understanding, and supportive than I ever could have expected them to be. My pre-schoolers have been saying prayers and giving me gentle hugs. My family has been so accommodating and full of love. I'm so thankful, really.
But if I could covet your prayers just one more time...
I'd love good news tomorrow. I'd love relief from my pain in the future. I'd love a calm heart before the surgery.
Thank you so much for being my outlet for thoughts like these.
It's nice to write and be heard.
Love and blessings to you.